Maybe...justified. Copyrights (c) (2011). CLK PHAKEDI. All rights reserved.

Maybe Im leaving just so that I can say you did not leave me...heart broken, eye swollen, tear dropping, breath fading, in a coffin looking up at those I love more than I should have loved you.
Maybe Im leaving because I over-slept on some train of fairy tale dream I had control over for a while...your actions, temper, attitude, steps you took and claims of love you made.
Maybe Im leaving because déjà vu appeared too many times in the table of contents, biographical texts wiped, I forgot me coming before you...it's a plane alphabet.
Maybe Im leaving because I don't want to be a reference or statistic...pages of research, facts, theories and novels.
Maybe Im leaving because I am not into the truth and reconciliation, repeating events going over it all..."yes, no, perhaps it was me but I'm not sure".
Maybe Im leaving because I know a smile is what I should have everyday, its not for sale but as valuable as I am.
Maybe Im leaving because gravity was pulling me down, Im all about staying down to earth but I know my level of weight...negative thoughts, words and talks are not part of that weight.
Maybe Im leaving because you lost your ticket to my heart and I just grew tired of renewing it, the expense of replacing my pillow case every morning become too much.
Maybe Im leaving because I need to let go of the past, for it does not belong were Im heading.
Maybe Im leaving because my face is precious, my dignity is great and I deserve what and all God has instore for me.
Maybe and just maybe Im leaving because it would be the best decision after loving myself enough to leave.
#and now Im walking out the door

in that order

this just came to me. uncut, unedited version.
lemmi try to read the scribbles in my note book.
enjoy...

smile
kiss
breath, you, in...
musky, woody, scent
breath, you, in...
i find heaven between your neck and shoulder

trickling down the arc of my back
blowing through the folds of my ear lobe
sweat
hot air
in that order

the wetness, let it pour
salty, sticky
this
sex funk

breathe, you, in...
the oil i put in your hair
the chap stick on your lips
the cologne you spray between your neck and shoulder
i truly find heaven between your neck and shoulder
the spot at the back of your neck,
where
when i touch, you shudder

breath, you, in...
musky, woody, scent

your chest, your core
so much than the physical
your heart beats for me and you
your hands, keepers of my heart
your finger tips...
"i can't breathe"
your finger tips

that butt!
hahaha!
those legs,
those legs and those feet,
that bring you to me
every time
last month and week,
yesterday and tomorrow,
those legs that find their way to me

"look at me"
breath, you, in...
musky, woody, scent

the wetness
let it pour
salty, sticky
this
sex
funk

kindred spirits
sex on fire

i find heaven, between your neck and shoulder.

the way you would ride me. R.18

Mr. Man
Mr. Lover
Mr. Man who i would marry
Who's babies i would
Gladly
Carry
Again and again and again and again

The way you would ride me
The way i would ride you...
Moments i think about
Everytime i'm with another brother
Who may seem similar
Whose touch is familiar
But doesn't quite meet your criteria
Everytime...
I think of another

The way you would ride me
The way i would ride you...
Moments i think about
Everytime i feel another's caress
Whenever he grabs on my chest
And tries to squeeze,
Like you squeezed...
I need some of that Marvin Gaye,
That Sexual Healing, i still can't quite get the feeling...

The way you would ride me
The way i would ride you...
Moments i think about
When he comes over and tries to get freaky
Feeling on my panties to check if they're sticky
Putting his ear to my mouth to hear my heavy breathing
He'd do his best, but it still wasn't the same thing...

The way you would ride me
The way i would ride you...
Moments i think about.

What way to follow.

I heard my name been echoed in the distant past, I was being called back
And though I seemed to be walking forward, my feet kept going on back.
My body resisted from heading forward, my heart fought the war even though my mind told me to look at the future.
The truth was hard to find, were I was heading to, I do not know. But it is were the voice came from.
Yet I never knew it spoke what was not de truth, it lied through its beautiful voice. It reminded me of Tselane and the beast, my mother's tales of the past.
Tales that sent me to dreamland had returned to teach me yet again, to were u may ask. I don't know either but I hope to find out because I don't want go back but head forward and if my feet walk me der n my heart wins the battle, my mind shall defeat de war.
Now thats victory I applaud!

Her Guide

She dances her whole life through.
The sound of life is like a jazz orchestra...
No matter where the melody goes,
she follows through.

Light on her feet, she spins round and round...
she mends the broken earth with her healing feet.

It seems so perfect, she seems so perfect.
I call her the silent contemporary preacher because she travels with a compass in her hand,

the leader she alone can see...
Her greatest guide is the holy book,
the only map she has and knows.

The dance floor is not always smooth,
she does miss a step or two...
but when she lends on her knees,
it's the only time I hear her speak.

'Lekunutu le Morena'...
she continues...
'guide'
All i understand is the end,
she says Amen and gets up again.
She stands brighter than the sun,
and for that moment I thought I saw this 'GUIDE' she speaks of.

It was too bright to clearly see,
did I really see...?
There was a word she continued to spell out while she danced...
G U I D E...

I would like to know what she ment,
it must have something to do with her mumbling whenever she falls...
Guide...GUIDE... Guide...She continues.
I stil could'nt make it out,
maybe if I shared the floor with her, I would know.

I joined her and we swifted through the floor,
she followed the compass i spoke of and I followed her.
Through the dance, her lips moved and for the first time I finally heard what she was saying...

I now felt the peace she preached,
Finally I understood her gospel.
GUIDE...
God U N I dance eternally.

Pages of a heroin's book.

I left traces of my happy memories, hopin that you would pick them up,
Only to salvage those that bring a smile onto your face and divulge all the pain inside.
For I see it in your eyes, that which you try so damn hard to hide, only to lie to yourself that you empty right inside.
Every tear you keep from wetting your face has caused a flood in your heart. Did you think I would not notice the drought on your face?
The cracks are there when you pretend to smile and share that undying laugh out loud.
You not well, Its sounds like a water fall is at your throat, without the beauty of nature in my ears.
I think about it and realise my memories won't do you any good, guess it was with a try, though still I'll continue to try.
Never had I seen disaster gone so deep. It was about to nurture your sleep, now thats deep!
I took your hand and walked back on the same path you came and at every sight of my memory, I turned a page or two.
A picture of you appeared, the way you used to laugh. Another one on the next page, the strength you had to show.
You were what got me though my times of floods inside, the strength you had to show gave me courage to get through mountains high, valleys low and oceans wide.
You held your own and that knife you took on, I must know...was that all an act, I think not!
You did it once, you can do it again. You can back it up!
I picked up the page when we riched the end,
Look, that's you screaming victory the way you know best. Besides only an author knows her book best.
Copyrights (c). (2009) CLK PHAKEDI. All rights reserved.

YIELD

yield (verb)
to give up; to surrender

he carries a yield sign that only my heart can see.

in my sleep, he comes to me
my over-eagerness,
continually contributes to my consistent insomnia
heas on pillow
eyes closed shut
breathing slowed down
He is mine.
the love is tainted
but it is love nevertheless
He is mine

i awake
He is gone.
leaving me feeling...
Twice bitch slapped!

stimulus
the reactions he causes,
emotions evoked,
walls broken.

My bricks are lost.

i cannot fathom,
the sweet sweet sweet agony,
that is him.
His smile is art.
i marvel at his being
My love, sacred.

he carries a yield sign that only my heart can see.

Tossed Africa

Still thoughts in silence.
Questions flow stronger than ocean currents.
If I could cut a piece of my skin,
Toss it into the open sky,
Would dark thunder clouds tell the colour of my skin?
Beat indigenous rhythms of song and dance onto the earth.
Produce sounds that tell stories of the unknown past.
If I could mold all that is African,
Toss it into the open sky,
Would the motherland tell its hidden tales?
Run my fingers through the river waters.
The cold and emptiness I felt in it.
If I could see the real ingredients of that water,
Toss it into the open sky,
Would it fall down as the tears of my people?
Shot after shot, gush after gush.
Blood all over beautiful loving hearts.
If I could stop that bullet and stop that knife,
Toss them into the open sky, Could it be possible to identify the source of violence?
Plants in mother's garden,
Animals grazing in father's game-farm.
If I believed that its all this continent had to offer,
Toss my stereotypes into the open sky,
It would all rush down because Africa refuses to be tossed around.
Copyright.(c).(2009).CLK PHAKEDI.All Rights Reserved.

Love's Devine

He kissed me goodbye,
my life along.
Holding my dripping heart in his hands
Dripping red from the blood of my heart,
Give up he said,
Love is not worth it,
you are better off without it
With tears in my eyes,
I grabbed it back,
bruised and batterd
It lay in my hands
For i would rather feel hurt,
than feel nothing at all,
only to the pleasure that is life

The Trees

In the school i was,
There lived two trees
Lovers of their lives,
and each other
They caressed their leaves,
in the courtship dance of the wind.
Leaning to each, and yet,
too shy to talk
the language of love
Pulled together by attraction,
too strong to resist.
The wind , conspirator to their love.
Pushing for their branches to touch,
First tentatively, then boldly
as lovers meeting by night,
making promises never to part

A Room Full Of Spanish Man

There they stood in the most appealing essence
Lik mere cats basking in the sun, they conveyed presence of regal poise.
They wore suits of all kinds; alluding to their gallant nature and sense of style.
The smell of their opulent cigars left me enticed to their saccharine Spanish tongues.
I could smell the scent of their expensive cologne as they gait across the room with the posture of a tango dancer.
I took an attentive look at a few but only one turned my heart into a pulp and my mind barren.
Gestures offered by his aura facincted me.
His opulent and prominent affiliation magnified the valiant image he portrays.
Our eyes locked then he came towards me with that swayed walk.
I gazed away not to reveal how his presence enthused me.
"Armando Duran, ¿puede me da siéntese"
I looked at him with utter confusion.
He pointed at the chair next to me and then I understood what he meant, so I replied; "Yes, Yes..."
My heart exceeded its normal speed; this was fatal attraction.
I could make conversation but where would I start, I knew not a word of Spanish.
He held out his hand for mine, "¿cómo te llamas...Your name...?"
"Oh! Ha-ha! (smile) Linda...Linda Phakedi."
Attemptin to pronounce my surname, I politely averted the conversation.
"Spain...? Are you from Spain?"
"No...No er; Argentina.
"We continued onto a troutous but interesting dialogue until it was almost break of dawn.
He even taught me how to do the Flamingo Tango;
I always had a certain thrill for ballroom.
Never had I imagined I'd one day be lead across a dance floor by a Spanish man.
En Un sitio para lleno o de español mano.
(A room full of Spanish men).

Copyrights(c). (2009)CLK PHAKEDI. All Rights Reserved.

My Revelution

Change, grow and evolve...revolutionize yourself.
Place yourself into a new beginning, like nature; turn out the inner most beauty of your being and lik the fresh tranquility of dawn and pleasant mood of dusk;
plot the scene of life.
As your mind starts to open up to this change, Place yourself into your state of mind; meditate and have a conversation with your heart.
Listen to your conscious and unleash emotions that articulate the essence of your soul;
discover the presence of that delicate peace that dwells within you.
Contemplate the presence of that which is at the depth of yr heart.
Rediscover the roots of yr complex infinite self, your immortal soul inside of you.
Find the hidden forte of yr mind; the lustrous infant matter that idiosyncratically defines how you came about into form.
That is yr moment; appreciate it, embark on a journey of adventure.
Your state of mind goes into a completely new domain.
You hav taken a diminutive step back in life, a minute moment to place yourself into that quiet place.
A place with pleasure beyond words, a place only u can explore.
Now that you hav found the door that leads to a complacent place, a place that defines you.
You should enjoy the comfort and bliss of your peace of mind, your place of sincerity.
Be at peace, this is yr revolution.

Copyrights(c).(2009)CLK PHAKEDI.All Rights Reserved.

All Because Of Love

At first acquaintance
Our eyes and minds absorbed only what was attractive at the time
All that was around us became minute
All I found attractive about you gave me chills I can not describe
You where not a sight for sore eyes, but my heart skipped a beat for you anyway
MY FIRST LOVE AT SIGHT YOU WERE
You became an assignment, this fish I'd hook and pull no matter the storm
If I was asked, yes! I'd answer...He is mine
All of me grabbed onto your every word
I was taken to a land not so far away but definately unknown
You raided my day dreams, broke the wall to my sweet dreams and by morning my heart was no were to be found
My rod began to wiggle and I got up to take my catch, no questions asked
I thought I had it!
Assignment complete and passed with flying colours,
Funny how WE just flew like those colours
Suddenly too busy to even look at me like you used to
Something had changed, my fish I had spiced and tendered with love gave me a tummy ache
It was not my hook I spotted in your mouth
Someone stole what I thought was mine
You let her put her hand through the very wall you broke, you exposed my heart to a reptile
You kissed me with lies and thought I'd turn blind
I was poisoned with hate for your kind
Those many fish in the sea now all had a similar taste,
I would never touch another if it was the last thing I did
I hated the faint sight and smell of fish
I never wanted to see you again
Soon I ate my words letter for letter
Fell in love again!
Now astrology was my thing
I spotted myself a handsome star and when it falls
I will be there for the catch.
ALL BECAUSE OF LOVE.


Copyrights(c).(2009). CLK PHAKEDI. All Rights Reserved.

My mirror Speaks

Every morning I have a conversation with my mirror,
but questions I pose remain unanswered.
Day after day I ask: "Am I beautiful?"
"DO I look good?"
"Is my smile beyond words?"

For a moment there I thought it replied back.
That was actually my conscious,
the angel that God sent to me.

She said beauty is what is inside...
but still my questions remain unanswered.
"Am I beautiful?"
"Do I look good?"
"Is my smile beyond words?"

I asked more questions, this time I asked politely;
"Mirror Mirror, charming and clear, please answer me here"
"What do I possess that makes me unique?"
"Do I have the ability to fulfill my worth on earth?"
"Who loves me more than I love myself?"

A light appeared before me,
I had never in my life seen anything so bright and when it spoke,
I got the fright of my life.
"MY MIRROR SPEAKS!"

It said;
"GIRL! u sexy,
mighty fine-looking-self had better get me some shades cos dat smile sure is bright."
"and wat is dt 'moosh-mosh' al bout?
Only u gots de answers 2 those questions!"

Something surely knocked me about! I said it all at one go...I AM WHAT I AM AND REMAIN WHO I AM FOR THAT IS WHAT I AM!

Copyrights(c).(2009)CLK PHAKEDI. All Rights Reserved.

Mommy's boy

I sit back and stare at you while you not looking,
this takes me back to were we come from,
how blessed I am to have you in my life.
I stil don't know how I raised u on my own,
now look at u, how far you have come.
I wish yr father was here 2 share this view,
your handsome bright eyes look just lik his.
It hurt me to see u grow up witout him,
at first I thought I would not be able to do it alone,
it is not easy teaching a boy how to be a man,
I really had pretty big shoes to fill.
When I saw your friends with their fathers in the park,
I'd look at yr face and wonder how I'd start to explain,
hoping u would never think it was your fault...
Lookin at it all, I would rather tell u about the birds and the bees.
I'd often hear u tell your friends your father is in your heart and not gone,
it did not really suprise me,
I could see it too.
You a man now my son,
I did my best and hope you do the rest.
Go out to the world and begin to run that race,
I wil always be your mother, whenever u need me.
You may not be protected like u were in my womb but you know what they say 'A WOMAN HOLDS THE KNIFE AT THE SHARP END'. I love u my boy!

Copyrights(c).(2009)CLK PHAKEDI.All Rights Reserved.

Thought I'd find my way

Assemble yourself,
hurry bcos time waits for no man.
On yr mark, get set and ready to walk out the door.
Find your place in the world, find your feet on the ground.
Mommy's tears fall to the floor,
Daddy smiles at his boy.
Another family soldier goes to war, the struggle continues to get by in this world. The rooster starts the day,
The alarm breaks away.
I am not used to this...getting up to another day.
Many things to do, too little time, and today it seems the minutes are even less. Lord please help me get by through this day.
Driving through the fast lane,
had no time to break the fast,
guess I will have a black-one just to get by today.
Adrenalin pumps away,
I am just about to tell the boss 'FOOL GET OUT MY WAY!'
Than it hits me!...who pays that way...?
Back in my NOT so humble home,
it is tough in the nine-to-five.
Damn! Mommy I am coming home,
I jus cant make it on my own.
Now I see sucking on your breast was far better than this bottle of booz...
Besides...Im just a five year old who thought he could make it on his own.

Copyrights(c).(2009)CLK PHAKEDI.All Rights Reserved.

How the poor got rich

Madam I seek a job.
Five kids and a husband who just lost his job.
I have enough strength to grab the sharp end of a knife with my bare hand, help me feed my family like a woman should.

What is your name and how qualified are you?

Lyna is my name madam,
I am good at everything too.
An hour with the washing and ironing,
a minute with the cleanin and just under a second to feed yr kids.
Well Lyna,

You are hired!

Thank you-Thank you madam.
You will not regret it at all...I WIL START NOW.

The next day...
Madam; your clothes are all neat and tidy,
your house is spick n span and your kids are not to cry again.
My job is done for 2day.

5 seconds after:

Lyna...Where are my clothes?
Where is my furniture? AND LYNA...
Where are my child?

Lyna answers:
Er...madam...
I forgot 2 mention...
Im related to Robin Hood...

SO?

So your clothes look better on the poor,
your furniture makes the best fire wood
and your kids need more attention than those nails...OH! n madam,
one more thing...
YOUR HUSBAND PREFERED MY BED TO YOURS.
So thank u madam for being so giving,
May the good Lord bless your kind heart.

Copyrights(c).(2009)CLK PHAKEDI.All Rights Reserved.

Travels of a Refugee

Its nt too far nw. Just another step 2 go,
Its nt too far nw, I am almost there. Rocks tickle on my feet,
Thorns massage my aching feet, The pain warms up my ankles, The hot sand between my toes. Tip-toe...
left-right just missed a mine.
Memories of father's execution, another blast not too far away.
The enemy is catching up nw,
I have to get away. Its nt too far nw.
Just one more boarder to cross. Its not too far nw, Im almost there.
GOD give me strength,
Im now far from home.
New faces before my eyes,
a new place I call home...
I made it here not too long ago,
some how relieved...
Hope i pray i never have to feel that heat.

Copyrights (c.)(2009)CLK PHAKEDI.All Rights Reserved.

Women on the move

Its that time again.
That time that is all bout me.
Now I may not be able to change de world, but I have the power to change my world.
I hold the most important of treasures in my hand. I have complete control of my life.
Come storm, come quake, come heat come drought, I will keep doing what mama taught me, de way mama taught me.
A verbal lesson, a visual lesson what I learned was a vital lesson.
I know my alphabet; vitamin A B C...; I know my counting half-past 1 2 3...and I now know this is my time!
When troubles come may way,
I will toss my life to de heavens and grab that knife at the sharpest end. By de time my life comes down again, I will have whipped the mist away from my eyes.
I will hold on to my life and I will start moving again. Il keep moving on because the light is ahead of me and not behind me.
I will run to my dream and not watch it move further away. I will not keep driving in the fast lane because its not about when you get there but how you get there.
Even if I stumble or fall. I will not crack or crawl. It is my move, thats how I walk. Im a woman on the move.
But one thing I know, I want to get there because it is my time to move. It is my mission.
It is my game.
At the end of it all, it wil be my success on the role.

Copyright(c).(2009) CLK PHAKEDI. All Rights Reserved.

Hobo's day

He opens his eyes to the light of a new day. Looks above his head, already there is a fire brewing. Gathers his bread and butter to set into the city.

The rising sun tells a new tale. The birds in the sky are singing a new song. Yesterday's news is today's stale bread.

He breaks into the winter breez yet again. Heads to Maitland street for his only meal. When the tower cries, he wil depart again.

He knows the streets as well as its produce. There is not a fly that goes by without his knowledge. It's as though the town is his narration.

Ask him how the baby got into the rubbish bin. Ask him how 'the lady of the night' lost her head. Ask him how the man in the black car drove into a tree.

His mansion is barren yet again. The birds prepare to end the day. This is his que to set his tent all over again.

He lays himself next to the brewing fire. Looks to the sky in prayer and cuddles his belongings like a child does his toy.

Copyright(c).(2009)CLK PHAKEDI. All Rights Reserved.